Have you found yourself looking at the long list of “issues” on your directory profile and wondering if you should tick “LGBT”, “Sexuality” or “Gender Identity”? Why wouldn’t you? Don’t you want to be an ally, after all?
During lockdown, the symbol of a rainbow started to be used to show support for the NHS. Rainbows were drawn in chalk on pavements, or put up in windows. People bought rainbow badges and lanyards. More rainbow motifs appeared on clothing. While well intentioned, this had the impact of making it more difficult for trans and queer people to identify safe places and people.
Before this, the rainbow lanyard stood for safety. It identified those who felt committed to giving the LGBTQ+ community safe care. As a member of the community I also know that those who claim to be allies don’t always display allyship in their behaviour, despite the lanyards. When I say this during training workshops, counsellors get uncomfortable.
I work regularly with people who really want to do good by the community. They believe that they must advertise themselves as LGBT affirmative, or as an ally, because to do otherwise would be homophobic or transphobic. Trans people deserve better reasons than this, though. So here's five things to think about before you start advertising to work with this community:
1. Do your own gender exploration first.
I hear many therapists talk about their dedication to working with the community. They say all the right things but then in the same breath they’ll then spout beliefs that demonstrate may be willing to be open to work with trans clients, but they haven’t done the work necessary to undo some basic ways of thinking that harm trans people.
Have you ever questioned your gender identity? I’m not saying you need to go through an identity crisis in order to call yourself an ally, but have you ever dug into your own gender expression or behaviours? Considered where they come from and whether they’re really yours?
Learning about queer and feminist history is a good place to start. Also, don’t forget to make your learning intersectional. Ensure voices from all walks of queer life are included, particularly those at the intersection of other identities like race, ethnicity, nationality, disability, age and size.
2. Examine your involvement with the community.
Often, therapists are inspired to work with trans clients after seeing the struggles of a trans friend, family member or acquaintance. While this can provide great emotional motivation, there is a danger in equating one person’s experience with that of the entire community.
Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie talks about “The Danger of a Single Story”, describing the way in which minority cultures are viewed by dominant cultures. While cisgender people, for example, aren’t seen as a representation of the entire “cis community”, trans people are often called upon to be spokespeople for everyone who shares that identity.
The experiences of one become the stereotype of everyone if the examples we have to draw from are limited.
If your only connection to the community is via people you see on social media, or that friend of a friend who you met once, chances are your ability to build a picture that’s sourced from nuanced experience and genuine cultural immersion is limited. Even if your connection is more involved, such as a friend or family member who is trans, remember that their story will not match everyone’s experience. It’s also likely that the person you know hasn’t shared everything with you.
Myira Khan talks about “cultural attunement” over “cultural competence”. This is the idea that no matter how much you know about a community, therapeutic work is actually aided by your immersion in the culture.
This is knowing information with your mind vs feeling experience with your heart and lived experience.
3. Consider your motivations for doing this work.
I speak to many trans clients who have experienced hostility from counsellors. These professionals have radiated disapproval or even outright aired their own beliefs about the client’s identity. Hostility is hard to cope with, but so is over-excitement. It’s really, really clear to us when you’re excited to work with us because we’re trans. And it’s uncomfortable.
I remember once attending an LGBT focused diversity workshop as part of a job. A colleague who I worked with on a daily basis turned up with her keys around her neck, hanging from a crisp, clearly just-out-of-the-packet rainbow lanyard. I saw those keys every day. They had never been on a lanyard. I saw her desperation for the trainer to think of her as “one of the good ones” as she continually cited the one gay person she tentatively knew. Soon after the training the rainbow lanyard disappeared. It was performative allyship at its finest.
When something bad happens within the community, people are keen to prove they know about it or are thinking of me. I receive DM’s with links to upsetting news stories with messages like “thinking of you xx” or “can’t believe this is happening.” I can believe it’s happening, but thank you for interrupting my breakfast with a reminder.
I see this in therapists too. People are excited to bring an ‘exotic’, interesting client to supervision. These clients’ stories and lives are used to score points on the wokeness scale of the therapist: “I saw a trans client once (male to female) and he, sorry, she was lovely, I loved working with her.”
It’s therefore vital to examine your own motivations for working with the community, and consider how these will be consciously or unconsciously communicated to clients.
4. Consider the safety signals that you put out.
To be person-centred about it: before proclaiming yourself safe, consider how clients may be able to decide that for themselves.
Does your social media reflect nuanced and in-depth involvement with the community? I’m talking more than a post on Trans Day of Visibility, or during pride month.
Are you posting about issues that actually affect the community, or just the issues cis people think affect the community? As a community, we actually don’t talk about sport that much.
Is your feed considerate of the community’s needs? Reposting everything you see about trans murder or suicide rates might not create a safe place for trans clients.
And to take it back to person-centred theory: think of it as how you convey empathy or UPR to clients. You don’t simply state it, you work hard to convey it. This requires the same approach.
5. If you don’t feel genuinely comfortable and equipped to do this work, trans clients would probably prefer that you didn’t claim you were.
You may work in an agency setting, or be a private practitioner in a small town. Often, you don’t get the choice of who to work with. Trans clients often don’t get to make a choice about their therapists. Un/Underemployment and other social issues within the community means we are less likely to be able to afford private therapy, and therefore less likely to get to choose our therapist.
Every counsellor will have a ‘first time’ working with a presenting issue or community, but particularly right now, trans people need highly skilled, culturally attuned therapists who get it. To a trans client, their story isn’t an interesting CPD workshop or emerging area of therapy.
If you’ve read this blog and realised that you might need to do more work before claiming to be an ally on your profile, it’s ok to uncheck the “LGBT issues” box on Counselling Directory. Consider how you might respond to a client who contacts you. I bet they’d have more respect for someone who admits they’re taking some time to do the work before claiming any kind of competence. They may still decide to work with you anyway, but at least they’re informed about where you’re at.
Safety and allyship are not things you state or claim for yourself. They should be things you embody, and are felt by others in your presence.
If you are interested in learning more about how you can take action on these five points, consider booking a place on my online workshop: ‘5 things to do before calling yourself a trans ally therapist’. You can read more, and sign up, at this link.
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